Despite ethical concerns about testing on humans, researchers say their work was necessary to determine the boundary between garbage and food.

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Satirical interpretations of world events and curious human behavior.

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Our morning show's political correspondent offers tips on how you can seem informed about politics without picking up a single newspaper.

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The Blockbuster Video Living Museum offers tourists a glimpse of how Americans rented movies before the advent of services like Netflix and iTunes. More coverage at: http://onion.com

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Unless Americans turn to alternative sources of entertainment, the 'Hannah Montana' star will soon be completely tapped out.

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John McCain claims that if elected he would save taxpayers millions by eliminating the Secret Service and defending himself instead. More coverage at: http://onion.com

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Panelists discuss whether controversial decisions by the Robot Congress and President Executron indicate robots have too much control over our lives. More coverage at: http://onion.com

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An Al Qaeda representative says that claims the U.S. government was behind the attacks on Sept. 11th are demeaning to Al Qaeda. More coverage at: http://onion.com

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After years of experiments and tens of millions of dollars, scientists have finally created a sheep that thinks and acts like a goat. More coverage at: http://onion.com

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Pausing only to eat, the West Highland white terrier yips and yelps 24 hours a day, according to neighbors.

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Repeatedly stabbing monkeys with sharpened objects may have an adverse effect on their health, according to a new study. More coverage at: http://onion.com

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Despite arguments against capital punishment, the Justices overwhelmingly approved its use, especially if they get to participate in some executions.

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Girls between the ages of 8 and 14 spent the day helping their parents fight insurgents and defuse mines. More coverage at: http://onion.com

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Both candidates are stepping up their efforts to attract crucial 'no values voters' by abusing animals and murdering the elderly.

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The threat of nuclear war hangs over the region with no end in sight, just as it has for the past three decades.

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Fans are worried that the feature film adaptation of the beloved trailer won't live up to the original 90-second story's vision. More coverage at: http://onion.com

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A survey by the Shuttleworth Research Center found that the majority of male roommates ages 18-24 got wasted off their asses the previous evening. More coverage at: http://onion.com

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China revels in a UN report that found it has the highest smog levels in the world, a sure sign of China's progress and prosperity. More coverage at: http://onion.com

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Today Now! talks with a diet book author who reveals that many things are surprisingly edible when you are driven mad by hunger. More coverage at: http://onion.com

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As Queen Elizabeth II becomes the oldest reigning monarch in British history, we take a look at some of her most significant waving moments. More coverage at: http://onion.com

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White House Press Secretary Debra Browning reminds reporters that there were 26 other camps that the U.S. successfully closed on time. More coverage at: http://onion.com

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Important news out of Haiti's capital today. The Onion's Don Abrams reports live. More coverage at: http://www.onion.com

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Embarrassed Diebold officials apologized after one of their electronic voting machines prematurely revealed the winner of our upcoming sham election. More coverage at: http://onion.com

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In The Know panelists discuss whether we should spare Africa's feelings by not telling them about the global economy. More coverage at: http://onion.com

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This just in...The Onion invades DVD! Based on the wildly popular satirical newspaper hailed by The New Yorker as "the funniest publication in the United States," The Onion Movie brings you uncensored, uninhibited, UNRATED news and views from around the world... Taking aim at pop stars, party games, prisoners and peace talks, The Onion Movie delivers hard-hitting headlines—and side-splitting laughs! Check out: http://theonionmovie.wordpress.com/ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

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